I have referred several times to my initial bout with depression and my fear about what was happening to me. What I haven't mentioned, as of yet, was the effect that it had on my friends and family. At that time, I was a straight A, scholarship student, about to graduate with a nursing degree, and appeared to have a very promising career and future ahead of me. Then WHAM! I became sick. It was only with the help of those around me that I was able to finish school, begin my career and maintain any close relationships. But as hard as this disease has been on me, it has also taken a toll on those around me.
That first time when I tried to express how I was feeling to my parents, my father told me to “just look into the mirror and tell myself that I was fine and I would be.” Considering how I felt at that time, that advice made me pretty angry. Just tell myself that I was fine and then I wouldn't be sick anymore? If only it were that easy.
What I did not understand at the time was that my father and the rest of the people around me were as bewildered and afraid of the changes in me as I was. They were initially uninformed about the symptoms, causes and cures for depression and they did not know how to help me anymore than I knew how to help myself. Unfortunately at that time, there was no Internet to turn to for immediate knowledge about diseases.
Thankfully this is a new age and there is a wealth of information available to people who are trying to support their loved ones through mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety disorders. On their website, the Mayo Clinic offers people guidance on how to support loved ones with depression. They are as follows:
Recognize the symptoms of depression, even if a loved one doesn't
Symptoms include: loss interest and pleasure in normal activities, overwhelming feelings of sadness, hopelessness or crying spells, changes in sleep(sleeping too much or too little), unplanned weight gain or loss, agitation or slowing of body movements, fatigue, low self-esteem and thoughts of death.
Don't tell them to “snap out of it!”
Realize that people who are depressed can not will themselves out of being sick. They are not lazy if they are unable to work, take care of their children or keep up with daily chores.
Offer support and compassion
There are many ways to do this and as I've written before, you will need to think about the person who you are trying to help to figure out the best way to support them. Some ideas include:
Expressing your concern and letting them know that you care
Listening to their concerns and avoid offering solutions
Ask how you can help
Point out their positive qualities and the things that they are able to do
Encourage healthy behaviors.
Take time to take care of yourself
Don't lose sight of your own needs in your caring and concern for others. Take time to eat, sleep and exercise to keep yourself strong.
Remember, depression steals away an individual's initiative. It is important as a friend or family member that you contact them. Go to their house and encourage them to go out. Ask them to take a walk or go see a movie. If they refuse to go out, then don't force them, but stay and provide social interaction.
For more information on how to help read Supporting loved ones through their battle with depression by the Mayo Clinic.
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